2009-05-31 - 10:55 p.m.
I think that you should be proud of that, she says.
And, with that, I realize that she is absolutely right. Strange that it had never occurred to me to think of it that way. Until mere moments ago I had considered the fact that the-reason-Shuhei-and-I-aren't-poor-is-because-I'm-working to be one of the more embarrassing features of the life we're building.
Still, the next day, as I'm walking home after drinks with friends, it's probably because of the fact that the-reason-Shuhei-and-I-aren't-poor-is-because-I'm-working that I shrug my shoulders and say 'why not?' when a man walking by stopped me and asked if I'd like to go for a drink.
I talked about myself a lot as we drank and nibbled on snacks. I assumed that that - talking about myself - was why I was recruited, although I was also fairly certain that some manner of awkward situation was in the mail, and that it would probably arrive when I announced that I was going home.
And so it did. For declining the initially reasonably well-disguised and then quite forward offer to cheat on my husband, I'm called a conservative. I do not think of myself that way and assume this to be some bizarre tactic. That, desperate to prove the existence of liberal ideals, I should suddenly be willing to do anything asked of me. (I wonder if this method has proven successful for this man before. I imagine a girl, sweaty and tousle-haired, asking this man to go down on her. He calls her a communist.)
Anyways, extricated from any sexy or political involvements with this man, now with my bike and, just to be sure, taking a route home with plenty of twists and turns, I find myself marveling at how conservative I have indeed become. It bothers me that I make more money than Shuhei. It bothers me more than I'd prefer to admit.
And, despite the fog of alcohol, I resolved to adjust my thinking. I decide to be proud of myself, and to stop being un-proud of Shuhei.
