2009-04-03 - 9:25 p.m.
Requests From "the Boss"
1) Don't call me Boss. It was funny for the first few days. But now, even though I am your boss in the sense that I tell you what to do, I'm also not your boss in the sense that I can't force you to do anything, and being called Boss makes me feel a little uncomfortable, like the former and the latter are in danger of becoming confused. (Does all of that make sense to anyone?) Please call me Erin. Or Uppercase. Or Mysterion. (I thought that was a really good nickname.)
2) Don't apologize for things you shouldn't be sorry for. I think that this is happening because you're trying to stay on my good side, and I probably appreciate that. But when you apologize for things like asking simple favors and blunders beyond your control, I wonder just how fickle you think my good side is. Unless you are stupid and rude, I assure you that there's almost no need to fear my wrath. I took this job because I was bored of my old one, and not to launch a crusade of power-trips, ego-driven lameness, and wanton crankery.
3) Don't thank me for the same thing more than once. Again, I appreciate that you would seem to be trying to stay on my good side, but it's my job to make sure that you know and have everything you need to do your job, so please don't apologize for wanting help. I'll admit that this issue exists almost entirely in my head, as I'm having a little trouble assimilating my new title with my-identity-as-I-chose-to-imagine-it. But let me say, for the record, that I would delighted to drink cheap beer on the curb or in the park with nearly each and every one of you and there's no need to be overly polite.
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And also, because I haven't written about the Thousand and One Nights in a while and because I will have, very soon, read them all, meet a character that I found entertaining, the Flying Smurg.
...Diamond waited an hour for the Flying Smurg to wake and meanwhile said to himself: "Why do they give him that name? How could so great a giant rise in the air without wings, even on the ground how could he move except clumsily?" At last he lost patience at the monster's snoring, which was like that of a herd of young elephants, and, bending down, began to tickle the soles of his feet. Immediately the giant twitched and, kicking the air with his leg, let a terrifying fart. At the same moment he opened both eyes at once. When he saw the prince and recognized him as the author of his waking, he lifted one leg and thundered forth a procession of farts which lasted for an hour of time...
...When the Simurg has exhaused his provision, he sat up and looked at the prince with stupefaction. "What is this, O human?" he cried. "How did you escape the blastements of my bum?"...
...The Simurg beat the earth with his foot and a moment later was planing above the garden. He moved his legs in the air, as a frog swims in water, until he came to a height which pleased him; then he went forward in a straight line towards the west. Whenever he found that the wind lifted him too high, he would let one or two or three or four farts, of varied length and strength...
...Thus they journeyed safely across the ocean...
