2007-11-05 - 12:20 p.m.
According to Michael, I ought to be writing more about my life.
According to the nagging urge within my being, whose priority I've let slip inexcusably, I ought to be writing more, end of sentence.
Either way, I hesitate, because this would make it very difficult for me to disguise just how boring I've become.
Also, a long break from updating has given me far too many opportunities to reflect upon the many things I've written that I would now like to retract. To actually tackle this task is much too daunting for the literary sloth I've allowed myself to become.** Instead, I choose to echo the gist of Chaucer's Retraction. That is, that if I've written things I shouldn't have, it's because I didn't know any better at that time, not because of any ill intent.
I've particularily come to regret that I made cruel character judgements regarding the good-natured ogre named Ward. Ward is, in fact, an exceptionally kind man, and I shouldn't have taken it upon myself to remark upon anything asides from that.
I'm also sorry that I implied that you're incapable of forming oxymorons without my help.
And this retarded rambler-of-an-overdue-update-thus-far may be made cohesive, believe it or not, by my observations of a phenomenon that I'm having a very hard time making myself comfortable with, despite being a married woman of the age of 25. Adulthood.
ELOFTING@HOTMAIL.COM's Issues With the Adulthood
1. Defining the Adulthood is a problem, because it can be used to refer to many different things. Personally, as time goes by, I'm more and more inclined to define the Adulthood as a process of realizing how full of shit I am and have been. The Adulthood can be a very humbling experience. Especially for people who dislike being involuntarily humbled. And this can make documenting one's opinions and experiences unduly complicated.
2. Being forced to take an interest in things that aren't interesting. The Adulthood sure does carry along with it a whole lot of responsibilities that I didn't ask for. I'm reminded of the Science Professor, who never gave me any reason to suspect the validity of his teachings, who told me that, on a cellular level, 60% of the energy that the human body expends is used in simply resisting entropy. That is, 60% of the body's energy is spent just keeping you from falling apart. To me, this figure applies quite nicely to life in the larger sense as well. I feel like 60% of my energy is used doing things that aren't necessarily interesting, but that I have to, or am made to feel like I have to do, leaving me with only 40% of my energy to use as I see fit. And it makes me a little greedy about my spare time, whereas I have, in the past, jamboreed with lots of it. Concurrently, I know that I've become way-out-of-touch with my audience, and I worry that the things that are interesting to me are not of interest to anybody else.
3. The loss of efficiency. Lately, I've begun to suspect that I've become able to get fewer things done in one day than I used to be able to. All of my journals and diaries are used mainly to keep track of ideas, so I have no good way to measure whether or not I really am losing efficiency in the day-to-day, only the egocentric belief that my suspicions are usually true...
And that, I think, sums up why I've allowed my jamboree of cats to detoriorate as it has.
Rest assured, however, that I'm battling the Adulthood head-on, and that more updates will follow, probably soon.
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** Here, I would like to point out that I recently finished the translation of my twenty-fifth folk tale, and that it's not as though I've truly been doing nothing. Twenty-five folk tales of Aomori! Go me!
