2007-02-12 - 8:59 p.m.
Flashback: Seven years ago. (Has it really been so long?) The parking lot outside the St. John's Ambulance building in Vernon, BC.
A carload of friends and I are smoking a bowl when, suddenly, one of us notices that the St. John's Ambulance building is not, as we'd assumed by the fact that all the lights are out, empty. A figure sitting alone in the darkness is watching us. We waste no time packing up the remains of the bowl and are driving away when we realize that the "person" watching us is, in fact, the CPR dummy propped up in a chair near the door. This isn't the first time that we've been tricked like this by the CPR dummy.
Flashback: Three years ago. (Has it really been so long?) The park beside Crystal Pool in Victoria, BC.
Ellen, Lucie, and a handsome young man who was with me at the time are drinking and, we think, minding our own business when the police arrived to confiscate our liquor and kick us out the park. (Luckily, we'd already drank nearly all of it by that time.) Once the cops had left, we wondered what had provoked their appearance in the first place. Retracing our steps through the evening, we decided that it could have been when we yelled, "This park fucking sucks. Let's burn it!"
Flashback: Nearly two years ago. (Has it really been so long?) Bar Bracible in Aomori City, Japan.
I'm meeting what will turn out to be my favorite white people living in Aomori for the first time. Dave, the resident British soccer geek, is ranting about, predictably, soccer. Vanessa is telling Bronwen, supposedly her best friend, that she would never hang out with a "cheerleader" like her anywhere outside Japan. Brian is hitting on three girls at the same time. Chris attempts to add his opinions to Dave's soccer rant and is promptly told to shut up, that he doesn't know what he's talking about, that there's no possible way he knows more about the subject than Dave does (which is true). I was sitting back, taking it all in, and thinking to myself that Aomori was going to be alright, and also wondering if I was coming across as strange by having been quiet for long. So I yelled, "Let's go get sushi. And not pay!" And everybody got it, but hadn't, it seems, already realized what a funny joke that would be to retell in our present situation. Chris congratulated me on my excellent funny-making with a high five.*
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It's harder living in Hachinohe than it was in Aomori. By which I mean, it's hard to conjure up scenarios such as these to remind and assure me that I'm young and interesting here. And I don't know why I'm even complaining about this because I've already got an enormous number of such scenarios in my mental storage.** How many more do I need?
John Hughes says that he'd like another half dozen for A Life Without Mink, an epic coming-of-age film based upon my experiences (and mistakes).
I, however, will be much more interested to see what happens in the sequel, which will tackle important issues such as what in fiery hell are you supposed to do for kicks once you are already of-age?
Until I figure this one out, my newest hobby is making trifles, which Shuhei is very excited about, but John Hughes doesn't think is interesting at all.
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* In retrospect, I'm not entirely convinced that Chris existed as an actual person. He may have been some variety of fairy god mother. Whenever I found myself in a situation that made me secretly (and very vainly) wish that I could be seen *poof* Chris would appear. And he was an ideal audience for someone secretly (and very vainly) longing for validation in that he would verbally recognize the coolness of the spectacle he was witnessing. Says Chris: I can't believe that you're carrying a futon while riding a bicycle. Also: I looked up and there was Erin walking down the street with her excellent posture and five Japanese men wearing leather jackets. (I miss my fairy god mother.)
** John Hughes was particularly impressed by:
- Ellen and my Christmas dinner of 1999. Chinese smorgasbord at Hung Fat's (I'm not joking) in Vernon, BC.
- Bush Jump 2000. A plywood ramp we built and spray-painted fluorescent green and orange to help us jump over bushes for no better reason than we had nothing better to do, and jumping over bushes is fun. (Try it if you don't believe me.)
- Attempting to sabotage my mom's date by inviting our neighbors to a Cat Jamboree at her house at the same time.
- Dancing mullets, Cancer Bum, and Emmitt Hall. (I don't think I could create an explanation for this one that would make sense to anyone who wasn't there if I tried. You'll just have to wait for A Life Without Mink. Sorry.)
- Michael wearing a trenchcoat and running around Gordon Head proclaiming himself to be Dr. Caligari.
