2007-01-17 - 3:48 p.m.
For Shame! (PART II)
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Something I either should've added to my last entry, or shouldn't be writing about now, is how much I really like the MSN homepage I get redirected to when I sign out of Hotmail.
I know that reading such garbage is consciously choosing to have more in common with North American nematodes without imagination (who are my enemy) but still, I resist it.
Thanks to MSN, I know all sorts of things that I shouldn't admit to knowing. I know that Lindsey Lohan and Brittney Spears sometimes don't wear underwear. I know that Katie Holmes spent $200 000 at Barney's last year. Owen Wilson and Angelina Jolie are homewreckers. Jessica Simpson's little sister had a nose job. Ashley Olsen is a fashion DO. I even know some of the nasty things that Lindsey Lohan's ex-boyfriend said about her, like that she smells like diarrhea.
I also know that, when famous people do it, it's not called saying nasty things about each other. It's called blasting, or slamming. Famous people blast and slam each other.
But my very favorite thing on the MSN homepage is the relationship advice which I read, not for information, but rather, for the same reason I read the blasting and slamming, a mean-sprited laugh. Indeed, a mean-spirited laugh is truly all that it's good for, and I feel sorry for anyone incapable of immediately realizing that.
"5 Signs He Wants to Break Up" illustrates perfectly what I'm talking about. I've forgotten the two least stupid Signs-He-Wants-To-Break-Up, but three of them were:
-He stops returning your phone calls.
-He starts seeing other people.
-He says that he wants to break up.
See? Hilarious. And the original article wasn't in point form either. Whoever was commissioned to provide this fabulously important information actually went ahead and elaborated upon that.
Maybe one day I'll finish my smell degree so that I too will be able to help people in this manner (is the sort of snotty thing I think to myself during my mean-spirited laugh).
How about:
"5 Ways to Obliterate Spontanetity and Imagination and Find 'Mr. Right'" (click the link)
If you were sincerely hoping to find such information, it's OK, you can stop looking. There's more than enough human fertilizer in the world already, and thus, no real reason for you to breed.
