2007-01-08 - 2:43 p.m.
Why Not Eat A Swan?
************
The past week has been one filled with guilt.
Shuhei and I (finally) fixed up my driver's license so that I can (legally) drive in Japan. And then drive I did! I'd forgotten how much I like driving. Not to mention how much I like driving while listening to music, or how much I really like driving while smoking AND listening to music.
And I know it's shameful to derive so much pleasure from operating a vehicle. (I know that this is dangerously similar to mustering all the sincerity one has to muster and saying, oh yes, how I love to consume!) But the fact remains that I really do like driving. And when I, one-two-three, parallel parked the car just to prove that I could I gave myself a small boner for my own driving skills.
Then the weather turned ugly and business at the little clothing store that employs me became mighty slow. During one particularly shameful eight hour shift, I spent four consecutive hours on the Internet looking at shoes.
It gets worse.
Since then, I've thought about two particular pairs no less than three times a day. (And, if I were hooked up to a lie detector right now, that number would probably be closer to ten.)
And there's more...
Remember when I said that I would "happily wait for as long as it takes" to get a wedding ring? That, it turns out, was a lie. I want a wedding ring right now! I want a wedding ring yesterday. And lately I've been making a lot of really funny jokes-that-aren't-jokes about it with Shuhei.
At the supermarket, I knew that the two dollar toothpaste and the four dollar toothpaste are made from nearly identical recipes, but I still bought the four dollar kind. And I bought it because I like the commercial.
And I know that I should be turning off the water in the shower while I'm sudsing up the shampoo but, I like the feeling of warm water hitting me, and I don't. I also know that 39 degrees is warm enough for a comfortable shower, but still crank it up to 41.
Last Thursday I made Shuhei change the tie he was going to wear to his friend's wedding. (To be fair, the tie wanted to wear had blood stains on it. But that's a different story...)
In short, I'm becoming a monster. And, to decisively steer my lifestyle away from developing any further similarities to that of the vulgar and boring North American nematode without imagination, drastic action is needed.
I've decided that it would be a very good idea to eat a swan.
And there's (probably) no reason why I can't.
Why Not Eat A Swan Fun Fact No. 1 - Of course you can eat swans. Turkey wasn't introduced to Europe until a little more than five hundred years ago and, before that, swans were served at all the most important feasts.
Why Not Eat A Swan Fun Fact No. 2 - I, personally, have no problem with the idea of roasting a swan. This is probably because I was attacked by a swan as a child and, as a result, don't much care for these creatures now. (I was also bitten by a bunny, but that's another story...) I'm concerned about how well I'll do with plucking the carcass, but roasting it will be no problem at all.
Why Not Eat A Swan Fun Fact No. 3 - Although attempting to bag a swan from the Shimoda Bird Park would, no doubt, land me in a lot of trouble, the gutter swans living in Hashikami Canal are in no man's land, and thus, ought to be fair game. Nobuo (an avid fisherman, and the only person I've been able to intrigue with the idea of bagging and eating swan) and I are still waiting for Nobuo's cop cousin to confirm or dispell this suspicion.
In the meantime, aren't you all so impressed? I mean, just because I clearly love to consume, that doesn't mean that I'm not capable of generating great ideas.
