2006-09-03 - 4:39 p.m.
Dearest ASCO Institute (by which anyone who's seen how we live knows I mean Michael)
As you may have noticed, the preparations underway for my sweetheart's arrival have included a second binge cleaning of our fine Institute. I humbly request that you please refrain from the following activities until at least Wednesday evening:
-Storing leftovers in the fridge in receptacles likely to tip over.
-Exploding food in the microwave.
-Using Bon Jovi's time machine to retrieve 3-month-old dairy products, or 2-month-old produce.
-Making garlic skin tumbleweeds.
-Pan frying salmon lox.
-Peeing on the floor and/or the bottom of the toilet seat and/or lid.
-Batheing in the sebum of Mediterranean virgins.
-Throwing tea bag wrappers and/or cashew shells behind the TV and/or couch.
-Smashing moths to the wall.
-Adhering used nose strips to the floor or walls.
Your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
The ASCO Institute's Departing Officer, ELOFTING@HOTMAIL.COM
